just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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