____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize