the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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