i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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