Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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