to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
