So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
