Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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