I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
