i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize
