Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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