Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
