Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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