I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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