So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
