I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
