his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
