But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
