that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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