So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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