Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
