Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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