they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
