first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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