i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
