I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
