I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize