So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
