i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
