just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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