Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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