Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
