.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
