do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize