She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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