Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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