I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Operation Purity has been aborted
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
