ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
