Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
