So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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