we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
