im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
