does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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