I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
