The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
