Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
