Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
