My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
