Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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