You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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