there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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