Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
