My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
