I am puke
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
