just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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