she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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