After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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