I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
