wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The Olympian is in my bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
