after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize