I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
