**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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