She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize