I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
