You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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