Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There r osticjed everywhere
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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