i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
