Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am one with the molecules
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
