I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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